No, Glad doesn’t make “non-opening” trash bags.

One day when I imagine I was about ten, my father and I were in the garage trying to dump the trash. After I spent several minutes of considerable effort trying to open a cheap trash bag, my father commented, “Looks like it’s one of those non-openers, huh?”

It took me about 35 years to realize he was being sarcastic, and I became fairly hysterical at the idea of a trash bag manufacturer making non-opening trash bags. So I created this little image and put it in the header for a laugh. I hope it’s legal. Miss you Pop.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m consistently funny enough to make a career out of being a humorist or even compile a book of funny Amazon reviews, but I’ve managed to make a few people chuckle a little bit with the posts below.

Many of these are reviews that I posted on Amazon under the pseudonym “The Amazin’ Amazon Guy”. Some of them got an appreciative response, but it was much funnier when Amazon users took me seriously.

I’ve since stopped writing Amazon reviews, because I ran out of gas. I used up variations of my all-time favorite jokes and moved on.

But I’ve preserved what I thought were the best of them here. Hope you enjoy them.


Book Review: Uranus – The Constant of Change

Book Review: Uranus – The Constant of Change

If you're really into Uranus, this book is for you! Amazon for some reason blocked this review, citing their "Sensitivity...
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Music Review: Very Best of Michael Bolton

Yes, it is perfectly possible for confident heterosexual males to enjoy Michael Bolton's music. See for yourself, whatever your
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Music Review: Sting – Brand New Day

A musician as accomplished as Sting should never have to endure childish insults about his name. That's all I'm saying....
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Music Review: Sammy Hagar Unboxed

Any discussion of rock music's great wordsmiths has got to include the Red Rocker. And you can capture his wit...
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Product Review: Burgundy Cher Wig

If you want a really awful experience imprinted on your psyche forever, let your Cher fan wife get this look-alike...
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Music Review: Madonna – Immaculate Collection

While Madonna may be someone that young women look up to, in my humble opinion it's still important for women...
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