Music Review: Madonna – Immaculate Collection

Humorous Amazon Reviews


Music Review: Madonna – Immaculate Collection

While Madonna may be someone that young women look up to, in my humble opinion it’s still important for women to shave their pits. (Amazon removed this one, so I guess they won’t want me linking to their site from it…)

Nice Girls Shave Their Pits

For all you young ladies out there, you might find Madonna to be a role model in some way. But after seeing her Playboy spread, I feel as though I should share with all of you a message as a public service, and I hope you take heed: nice girls shave their armpits.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I think a young women taking the time to shave her armpits does wonders for her self-esteem. I’m surprised Madonna would want to send a message to young ladies that excessive armpit hair (I’m talking Buckwheat in a headlock) is okay. As someone who was raised Catholic I would think she would know better.

Please keep in mind that shaving your pit hair will reduce the strain on your love relationships too. Remember that Madonna’s husband, Sean Penn (best known for his sterling performance in “Shanghai Surprise”), was driven to physically assault several reporters while married to Madonna. I would venture a guess that they were persistently hounding him about his wife’s unnecessarily luxurious armpit hair.

So if you want to spare your husband the stress of explaining to reporters why his wife has shag carpet swatches under her arms, please take the time to shave it. Good luck!

Photo credit: rwoan on Best Running / CC BY-SA

 

Product Review: Easy Expressions Hands-Free Nursing Bra

Got milk? Heck yes! Even I couldn’t believe the increase in production from this well-constructed and balanced hands-free nursing bra. It can even be worn in public! Amazon censored this review citing their “sensitivity filter”, so maybe the cow’s milk industry wasn’t happy about my promoting self-reliance. But whatever, five stars!

 

 

Got Milk? Heck Yes!

Are you kidding me? I never knew my wife had it in her, so to speak. We have three quarts in the refrigerator and counting! Guess we’ll be making more pudding!

The Easy Expressions bra with the pump is safe, easy to use and nowhere near as cumbersome as it looks. My wife was even able to wear it at work, and while she heard some snide remarks from her customers at Friday’s (one boob–pardon the pun–kept asking which one was skim, another couldn’t stop saying “nice jugs”), it was certainly worth it to be able to produce all that nutrition, all the while serving jalapeno poppers. (Couldn’t do THAT before!)

And two pumping at the same time also ensures balanced wear and tear on the ol’ grapefruits. Way to go Easy Expressions!

Photo credit: _Shward_ on Best Running / CC BY

Book Review: Uranus – The Constant of Change

If you’re really into Uranus, this book is for you! Amazon for some reason blocked this review, citing their “Sensitivity Filter”, so maybe some people thought Neptune deserved equal recognition or something. But whatever, I gave this book five stars for how it helped me get a feel for Uranus!

 

 

Get An In-Depth Look At Uranus!

For some strange reason, I’ve always had a deep fascination with Uranus. I’ve even gone as far as to speculate whether Uranus emits an overwhelming odor and if that is why we haven’t yet landed anyone on or near Uranus to explore it more thoroughly. Some of my friends think I go a little overboard with it and that I’m obsessed with Uranus. They’ve even yelled at me during softball games to “Get your head out of Uranus!” which is sort of funny I guess.

This book was full of information and extremely helpful as far as things like the chapter on Uranus cycles. Sometimes even I forget that Uranus is in a constant state of flux! Another cool thing I learned about Uranus was the bit about the positioning of Uranus and how it relates to things like our love life. Who knew that the location of Uranus mattered so much in romance? Uranus just blows me away sometimes!

So if you’d like to learn more about the great mystery that is Uranus, and I think most people do, I highly recommend purchasing this book. It will really help you dig deeply into Uranus!

 

Photo credit: Royalty-free image collection on Best Running / CC BY