Mountain climbing, I learned from my hapless misadventure, is not just about bagels and proper carb-building. DVD should probably have had a different name. (This review first appeared on Amazon.)

Do NOT Try This at Home!

Seeing as how these English guys were able to climb these huge mountains was fascinating…even as I wondered who was responsible for the camerawork. But seeing that they did it on a diet of bagels unfortunately made me think I could do it myself. I carb up every morning with an Einstein Bros. special (two on weekend days), and while I wouldn’t exactly call myself ready for a marathon, these chaps made this whole rock climbing on a diet of bagels thing look pretty easy. Little did I know.

I went to the local rock climbing center (“Wall Of Denial”) full of both an extra large garlic and egg bagel and an overabundance of completely unjustified bravado. I even passed up on the free introductory lesson (called “It’s Not Just The Bagels”, I stupidly should have paid attention) because I’m literally out there thinking I can scale the “expert” wall in nothing flat like on American Gladiators, simply because I’ve eaten an authentic Manhattan-style bagel (tasty though it was).

I learned after about fifteen very embarrassing minutes that I don’t have a very bright future as a rock climber. Or maybe even as a father after the tightrope snafu. Mercifully, the instructor took time away from teaching the beginners and ended my session, but not before a lot of finger pointing and jocularity from everyone in the place. Yeah, very funny. Mind turning my helmet back around when you get a chance to breathe, jerk?

Nothing wrong with this DVD as far as entertainment value; just keep in mind that these guys are experts, and it’s NOT because they eat bagels. Take it from someone who learned the hard way.

Photo credit: grongar on Best Running / CC BY

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Disclaimer: the photo contained in the header of this post is NOT a photo of this product. It’s just there to make it look nice. Please don’t be confused.

My bad on this one, folks. I’ve often been known to make assumptions based on what words look like. But I’m sharing this so others won’t make the same mistake! If you’re actually looking for a Bichon Frises book, this one will do nicely.

I Really Don’t Know How Good This Is, My Mistake Buying It

Sorry but I didn’t actually read this book. I saw it on the shelf of my local bookstore (“Books-A-Zulu”) and I picked it up without thinking because I read the title wrong. You see, I’ve always been a big fan of french fries, and I guess I thought since my spelling skills aren’t great (this is so embarrassing), that this book taught you how to make “Bitchin’ Fries”.

I should have done a cursory inspection at least, and I suppose in retrospect it was kind of strange that a picture of a dog would be on a cover of a french fry cookbook. But, I mean, who knows? Sometimes cookbooks have pictures of happy kids on the cover, right? I thought maybe the fries were something you fed to your poodle if you made too many of them. I mean, the dog on the cover kind of looks like a poodle.

So anyway, sorry again if this review doesn’t help you out…I just put it up here just on the remote chance that someone else may not grasp the subtle distinction in the spelling and pronunciation. We’re all in this together. Especially french fry cooks and dog owners! Sorry!

Photo credit: sonstroem on Best Running / CC BY

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What makes B&G pickles so great? They’re extra tasty after you keep them warm in your pocket! Go ahead, get yourself a jar on Amazon today!

Is That A Pickle In Your Pocket?

Photo credit: Kristin “Shoe” Shoemaker on Best Running / CC BY-ND

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This was a popular children’s book when I was a lad, but I feel it has a message that isn’t for children. If you disagree, you can still buy the book here on Amazon.

Mr. Pine…Have You Been Drinking?

I get that this is a children’s book and everything, so maybe I shouldn’t be so literal in examining the ongoing issue Mr. Pine has. But here’s the deal. Mr. Pine has a townhouse that resembles all the other townhouses in the neighborhood, so he has trouble figuring out which house is his when he comes home at night.

OK, is the resemblance of the houses REALLY the reason for his trouble? Anyone who has lived in the same home for over a month–and there is no reason to assume Mr. Pine has not–should not have too much trouble finding it from day to day, even at night. My hypothesis is that the man has a bit of a drinking problem. Perhaps he could look for other distinguishing characteristics to find his home, like the busted up mailbox that he ran over one night or something. Since the book never delves into Mr. Pine’s history (which might include some incidents), we are left wondering what the actual reason is for Mr. Pine’s difficulty, which drives him to plant a tree, then a bush, and then ultimately paint his house a very gaudy purple. Apparently ol’ Mr. Pine-A-Colada needed it to be obvious.

Ultimately, I don’t think that this is good for kids to be reading. Even if Mr. Pine’s real problem is just a sly implication left within the story so that we streetwise adults can pick up on it.

Photo credit: Padraic. on Best Running / CC BY-SA

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While this book contains a wealth of information, it does appear to have a glaring omission. I don’t know whether it’s been corrected, but the book is available on Amazon here.

What?!?! Nothing on Dingleberries?

It is to my amazement and shock that for all of its detailed information, this book contains nothing about dingleberries. While I will concede that most of civilized society still regards the humble dingleberry as more of a nuisance than as a bona fide member of the berry kingdom, this should hardly be a reason to exclude them from the berry vernacular. After all, I’m not crazy about raspberries but I wouldn’t single them out from any discussion about what constitutes a legitimate berry.

I can only guess in contemplating the motivation behind the exclusion of the dingleberry from this volume. Perhaps it’s because the dingleberry is not considered a key ingredient of any contemporary delicacy (e.g. pies or muffins) for obvious reasons. I don’t anticipate an emergence of dingleberry milkshakes or some kind of off-the-wall Ben & Jerry’s flavor (like “Dingleberry Manilow” or something). But even as such, culinary function is hardly the only defining characteristic of a berry. So I really can’t comprehend the reasoning. Hopefully the publisher can correct this egregious omission in future editions.

Photo on Best Running

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James Legge covers Confucius’s teachings in great detail, but there is a glaring omission. All the same, it’s worth picking up if you’re an admirer of Confucius.

Doesn’t Really Do Justice To The True Brilliance of Confucius

This book wasn’t terrible or lacking in substance, but the author really misses out on some of the classic wisdom Confucius shared with his people that has been handed down through generations and cultures everywhere. I agree that Confucius was a very wise and powerful sage when it came to issues like political structure regarding Asian nations, and to his credit James Legge documents this very well. But what about all of the more commonplace, apt and lighthearted axioms that the brilliant Chinese philosopher brought us?

Amazingly, the book omits scrutiny of some of Confucius’s best known observations, such as “Man who fly upside down have crack up”, “Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn”, and “Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse”. How could these long-enduring philosophical tenets have been missed, especially as they remain so relevant in modern society? Not only are those quotes funny, but the humor of them is genuinely rooted in a truth and wisdom at a level that only someone of Confucius’s outstanding mental acuity could have achieved.

To be sure, Legge does cover in detail some of Confucius’s great philosophical moments, such as the meeting in Ts’oo with the Duke. I don’t wish to downplay his work in that regard. Legge is obviously a great admirer of Confucius and perhaps this effort was an attempt to avoid rehashing the manifestly obvious aspects of Confucius’s legacy. One can only speculate.

But again, even an in-depth look at the teachings of Confucius should not pass over the more mainstream, popular adages contained in his teachings. I don’t understand the omission of maxims like “Man who stand on toilet high on pot”, “Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night”, and the rarely overlooked and timeless classic, “It is better to be p—ed off than on”. Whatever the deeper implications of Confucius’s impact, it’s hardly questionable whether some of his most memorable gems of wisdom should be included in the discussion. That’s just my opinion.

Photo credit: Gary Soup on Best Running / CC BY

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So I had this big mess of Camden Yards food posts that went everywhere, and Google didn’t seem to like any of them. So I figured I’d combine them all, and just make them one nice big post about Camden Yards food. Enjoy!

Boog’s BBQ + Eutaw Street Food at Camden Yards

When first-timers visit Oriole Park at Camden Yards, they’re almost universally told to “try Boog’s BBQ.” The smoke wafting from the tent on Eutaw Street has been a feature of Camden Yards since its opening in 1992.

Long lines form at Boog’s BBQ stand, especially on high attendance nights. Fans get their picture taken with the large first baseman from the Orioles’ salad days, order a sandwich or platter of pit beef or turkey, enhance it at a banging condiments stand, and either sit at a Eutaw Street picnic table to eat or watch batting practice.

(Please note friends…I published this in 2018, and food in ballparks changes a lot, so I apologize for any inaccuracies. I am currently working on a retool and hope to have this content updated.)

Not hard to see why it’s so popular.

The pit beef is recommended most by online reviewers, but the turkey sandwich is pretty good too, and the platters with slaw and beans offer decent value; you likely won’t be hungry afterward. One Orioles employee suggested to me to bring your own bread and get your sandwich “naked” to get more meat on your plate. Worth the effort.

Try to get to Boog’s BBQ early, if you don’t want to miss any of the game.

True Birds fans know that Rick Dempsey was good enough to have beer named after him.

Dempsey’s, named for 1983 World Series MVP Rick Dempsey, is a restaurant built into the warehouse. It features brick walls, O’s memorabilia, and beer taps with craft brews like Rain Delay IPA (click here to see why Dempsey is associated with rain delays).

The menu is pub-style and includes appetizers like crab cakes and rock fish tacos, and the main menu is mostly burgers and sandwiches, like the Dempsey Club. There’s also the “Walk-Off”: a Roma sausage in a pretzel roll with Old Bay crab dip. Save money and appetite for that one.

If you want to try Dempsey’s and not miss any of the game, you have to get to a Eutaw Street entrance as soon as the gates open. Long lines form very quickly, especially on high attendance nights.
Don’t miss Rick’s poetic dedication to Memorial Stadium inside.

OK I give, where’s the mustard?

Elsewhere on Eutaw are a few of the unique food stands at Camden Yards. There’s the Bud & Burgers and Stuggy’s Gourmet Hot Dogs at the north end, where you can order unusual burgers and dogs (the crab mac and cheese dog is very popular) in case a simple dog doesn’t wow you.

There’s also a Eutaw Street Market in the warehouse where you can find grab and go items, and at the south end is a Eutaw Street Gyro Grill. You may lament the disappearance of the “other” BBQ stand, but the gyros and spinach pies are pretty good. Besides, Boog’s BBQ is plenty BBQ enough.

More Oriole Park Food Options – Crab Stuff!

Oriole Park is still in Maryland last time I looked, so crab stuff is pretty popular. Here are three more favorite Camden Yards food options of mine, just because I love Old Bay…

The Old Bay addition makes it Orioles colors!

1) Crab Dip Waffle Fries. This is a pretty big go-to item for Orioles fans. If you’re familiar with the Chick-Fil-A waffle fries (and who isn’t?), they’re like them, but topped with Maryland crab dip sauce, and you can shake on some Old Bay seasoning at a condiment stand.

Get them at Old Bay Seafood, Freestate Fries or the Flying Dog stands, and get a fork and napkins…you’ll thank me.

Check out those scallions!

2) The Crab Chipper. The Chipper stand has become one of the more popular Camden Yards food options – and this Crab Chipper features kettle chips (or pork rinds!) topped with crab meat, white cheddar, green onions and Old Bay…so they’re, you know, kind of like fancy nachos.

It’s a decent quantity of food too, especially if you get them in a souvenir helmet. Way salty though, so grab a drink with it…

The Official State Fish of Maryland.

3) The Old Bay Seafood Crab Cake. I remember in the early days of Oriole Park watching a friend of mine shell out $4 for a crab cake the size of a golf ball. This was before ballparks were known for food options. Hope he enjoyed it.

Today the crab cakes may be more expensive, but they’re now appropriately baseball-sized and much tastier – the Orioles had a chef sample 50 local crab cakes (!) to come up with a recipe for this delicacy. (Hopefully not at once.) The Old Bay stands are in the lower and upper concourses.

There you go…three crab-tasty Camden Yards food options. But you can go cheap here as well.

Can You Bring Food Into Camden Yards?

The short answer is yes, you can…the Orioles allow a 16*16*8 soft-sided bag or cooler, so long as it doesn’t contain alcohol or potential projectiles.

But the best part of this money-saving tip is the possibilities you have with the numerous outside vendors…so here are three tips on where you can find cheap outside grub to bring into the Yard.

Inside the ballpark, it costs more without the roll.

1) Pickles Pub/Slider’s/The Bullpen. I’m not sure which of these three corner pubs sets up all of the tents and outdoor grills and full bars, but I expect it’s all of them. The three establishments are across the street from the ballpark on Washington Street, and the entire area gets packed with pre- and post-game partiers.

You can get a hefty dog, sausage, burger, or crab cake sandwich here for much less than you’d pay inside the ballpark, of course, and there are tables with people selling peanuts, pistachios and bottled water too.

Best part? Have a cheap Natty Boh while you’re filling your goody bag…since you can’t get cheap beer OR Natty Boh inside the ballpark.

With so many combinations, there’s sure to be one for you!

2) Vendors On Howard And Conway Streets. There are a plethora of vendors with grills selling dogs, sausages and chicken sandwiches, and they’ll offer you a nice deal if you’re willing to haggle and offer to buy more at a discount.

As with the vendors near Pickles Pub, on Conway Street, you can also buy much cheaper gear and souvenirs. This is ideal for people arriving by Light Rail…the vendors are right there across the street.

Photo courtesy of the Old Otterbein United Methodist Church. They said I could use it.

3) The Peanut Church. The Old Otterbein United Methodist Church is nicknamed the “Peanut Church”…they’ve been selling fresh bags of roasted peanuts cheaply since Camden Yards opened in 1992, and they’ve used the profits to maintain the church with a new roof and painting and such. If you’re a person of faith you’ll probably think it’s a cool thing. It’s on Conway Street, and if you’re coming from the Inner Harbor you can’t miss it.

Finally, there’s a Jimmy John’s and a Chipotle just steps away, if you want bring food into Camden Yards from someone familiar. But that’s kinda boring.

So there you go…some food options at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. Enjoy, and let me know when you’ll be there.

Got milk? Heck yes! Even I couldn’t believe the increase in production from this well-constructed and balanced hands-free nursing bra. It can even be worn in public! Amazon censored this review citing their “sensitivity filter”, so maybe the cow’s milk industry wasn’t happy about my promoting self-reliance. But whatever, five stars!

Got Milk? Heck Yes!

Are you kidding me? I never knew my wife had it in her, so to speak. We have three quarts in the refrigerator and counting! Guess we’ll be making more pudding!

The Easy Expressions bra with the pump is safe, easy to use and nowhere near as cumbersome as it looks. My wife was even able to wear it at work, and while she heard some snide remarks from her customers at Friday’s (one boob–pardon the pun–kept asking which one was skim, another couldn’t stop saying “nice jugs”), it was certainly worth it to be able to produce all that nutrition, all the while serving jalapeno poppers. (Couldn’t do THAT before!)

And two pumping at the same time also ensures balanced wear and tear on the ol’ grapefruits. Way to go Easy Expressions!

Photo credit: _Shward_ on Best Running / CC BY

If you’re really into Uranus, this book is for you! Amazon for some reason blocked this review, citing their “Sensitivity Filter”, so maybe some people thought Neptune deserved equal recognition or something. But whatever, I gave this book five stars for how it helped me get a feel for Uranus!

Get An In-Depth Look At Uranus!

For some strange reason, I’ve always had a deep fascination with Uranus. I’ve even gone as far as to speculate whether Uranus emits an overwhelming odor and if that is why we haven’t yet landed anyone on or near Uranus to explore it more thoroughly. Some of my friends think I go a little overboard with it and that I’m obsessed with Uranus. They’ve even yelled at me during softball games to “Get your head out of Uranus!” which is sort of funny I guess.

This book was full of information and extremely helpful as far as things like the chapter on Uranus cycles. Sometimes even I forget that Uranus is in a constant state of flux! Another cool thing I learned about Uranus was the bit about the positioning of Uranus and how it relates to things like our love life. Who knew that the location of Uranus mattered so much in romance? Uranus just blows me away sometimes!

So if you’d like to learn more about the great mystery that is Uranus, and I think most people do, I highly recommend purchasing this book. It will really help you dig deeply into Uranus!

Photo credit: Royalty-free image collection on Best Running / CC BY

While I was providing thoughtful NASCAR commentary for the Frontstretch, I noticed an interesting phenomenon about UPS-sponsored cars…that drivers either suffered significant decline with the UPS logo their car, or improved dramatically after it was gone. I detailed the whole curious anomaly in the article below, which first appeared on the Frontstretch in September of 2009.

Occasionally you hear comical stories of superstition in motorsports.

Joe Weatherly, whose untimely death in a crash is why stock cars have window nets today, suffered from triskaidekaphobia and once asked NASCAR to call the 13th Southern 500 the “12th Renewal of the Southern 500”. He also once asked to rename his 13th starting position in a race to “12a”.

There are green car phobias, which supposedly traces back to one of the Chevrolet brothers, Gaston, being killed in a Beverly Hills race. Gaston was driving a green car at the time and green has ever since been seen as bad luck, despite Bobby Labonte’s 2000 championship in an Interstate Batteries car.

Junior Johnson and Dale Earnhardt Sr. were both famous for their aversion to peanuts in the garage, and both were the targets of peanut-related practical jokes by team members and fellow competitors. One story told by Robert Yates describes a Johnson crew member painting foam packing peanuts and pretending to eat them near Johnson’s car, which sent Junior through the roof. “He didn’t think that was very funny”, chuckled Yates.

But who knows? Kevin Harvick claimed to lose an engine on a day where there were peanuts around the garage. Sometimes these things do take a life of their own.

With David Ragan pulling the UPS #6 into the Loudon garage after finishing 33rd and 13 laps down, placing him currently 30th in the standings, it’s nearly been forgotten that Ragan was seen as a driver with a bright future not very long ago, when AAA was sponsoring the car.

And it seems that there is some sort of whammy on any car that sports the famous UPS logo. Not anything dangerous, just something that makes racecars slow.

If your racing fan days go back a stretch, you remember how dominant Dale Jarrett once was, as difficult as that may be to believe seeing his last few seasons.

In 1996, Jarrett took over the Quality Car Ford Motor Credit No. 88 for Yates Racing. In that car he won two Daytona 500s, a Coca-Cola 600, and the Winston Cup championship in 1999, after falling 14 points short to Jeff Gordon in 1997. He won 20 races, scored 95 top fives, and 119 top tens in 167 races. That is rare supremacy in this sport.

Then Jarrett and Yates signed on with UPS, launching the now-famous “Race The Truck” campaign. For two years there was a slight downturn: six wins, 22 top fives and 37 top tens, and a fifth and ninth place finish in the standings. That’s hardly terrible in any two seasons, but it was the first noticeable decline in the performance of the No. 88.

Then in 2003, Jarrett fell off a cliff and never fully recovered. He won just one race and that win was his only top five in a season where Jarrett inexplicably finished 27th in points. For the rest of his career at Yates, Jarrett would score only one more win in three seasons and never again finished higher than 15th in the standings.

Despite the drop-off, UPS was happy enough with Jarrett as their spokesman to go along with him to Michael Waltrip Racing in 2007. In retrospect that seems like a giant blunder, but at the time most of the pundits saw the big name sponsors and manufacturer and the veteran’s three car team and predicted big things.

It didn’t work out that way. Jarrett burned his six champion provisionals very early in the season and made just 24 races in 2007, never once finishing in the top ten. At the end of the season, Jarrett finally tired of the aero disadvantages of racing in a parcel delivery truck and announced his retirement after five races in 2008. In those five races his highest finish was a 16th at Daytona.

The UPS hex then fell on David Reutimann. After a 2007 season where Reutimann was the top performer at MWR, Reutimann scored just four top tens in 2008, finally exhausting UPS’s patience despite their own role in driver declines. He still had the best results at MWR, but that wasn’t saying much.

After UPS left, with the much faster Aaron’s logo back on his car, Reutimann not only won his first ever Cup race at Charlotte, but he surprised everyone by challenging for a Chase spot well into the season. Reutimann has scored five top fives in 2009, after managing zero with the heavy UPS logo on the car. As I wrote this, he was also ahead of Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Kevin Harvick in the standings, two drivers that had little trouble acquiring sponsors in their careers. And 13 drivers separated him and the UPS driver.

UPS signed on with David Ragan starting in the 2009 season. In 2008 Ragan, with AAA on the car, seemed to have the best future of the younger drivers. He barely missed the Chase and finished 13th in points, a great improvement over finishing 23rd in 2007. He scored six top fives and 14 top tens in 2008 after scoring two top fives and three top tens in 2007. He had even scored 11th and 13th place finishes at Martinsville, a place where he had once been called a “dart without feathers” by Tony Stewart. Of course it seemed like a wise choice, if you didn’t consider the withering effect that UPS brown had on past drivers.

With the UPS logo on his car, Ragan went from riches to rags. The No. 6 has exactly one top ten this season, in the rain-shortened Daytona 500. Since then Ragan has finished in the top 15 just four times, never higher than 12th. His last three races have been three straight 33rds.

And he is 30th in the standings—if he drops one more position, it will be the same margin of decline that Jarrett suffered from 2002 to 2003.

It may be a strange statistic to look at, but what would be the odds of two different drivers, driving for two different teams, dropping 18 positions in the standings in one season while sharing only a sponsor in common? (And a manufacturer, I suppose, but many more drivers have driven Fords than have for UPS.)

Most all of this can probably be explained away without superstition. Yates in general was beginning a decline when they signed on with UPS. All of Michael Waltrip’s teams have struggled mightily. Roush Fenway has had problems with NASCAR no longer allowing them to test. You could just call it poor timing and foresight on UPS’s part.

But there isn’t any denying a noticeable correlation between a team’s performance with and without a brown UPS logo on a racecar. UPS appeared on Dale Jarrett’s car and he went from contending for titles to fighting to make races every week in just a few years. They appeared on David Reutimann’s car and Reutimann showed little improvement, then after their departure he rocketed to near playoff contention. UPS attached its logo to David Ragan’s car and he has gone from a young driver with a bright future to being one of those drivers who is rarely shown on TV unless he crashes or enters the pits backwards.

No doubt Matt Kenseth breathed a sigh of relief when UPS refused to replace DeWalt on the No. 17.

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